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Man Breaks Penis After Sex With 700 Pound Woman

(Fake News)

by HumorOnline.com Staff

Copyright © HumorOnline.com.
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This material may not be reproduced in any form.


Johnny and Bertha getting it on

“I kept telling her to get the hell off of me,” said Johnny, a 120-pound man. “But she kept screaming, ‘do me, do me’ as she bounced her impressive mass on top of me.”

Bertha, Johnny’s girlfriend, weighs in at a hefty 700 pounds, and prefers the “girl on top” sexual position. In fact, Bertha insists on being on top all of the time.

“I’m proud of my sexy body,” proclaimed Bertha. “And I want Johnny to enjoy every inch of me, so I ride him like a mule. He loves it when I am top.”

“I deal with the excessive poundage the best I can,” responded Johnny. “Bertha is one sexy gal, but the weight makes it hard for me to do anything -- like move, talk, or breathe; but I deal with it okay. She has broken several bones with this 'girl on top' thing, but I sacrifice myself for my sexy lady.”

“But last Thursday she really messed up,” Johnny said. “She was riding my skinny-ass frame like I was a bucking bronco, and she moved left when I moved right, and then I heard a loud snap. She broke my fucking penis in half. It was horrible. Pain shot from my balls to my toes. Damn, I have never felt anything as painful as that. So I screamed at the top of my lungs and she thought I was having an orgasm. She is nuts. I told her she broke my wang, but she wouldn’t get off. She said she wanted to ride ‘Big Daddy’ until the caboose entered the station. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. What caboose? What station? I just knew my wang was mortally wounded. Finally, after two more painful hours, Bertha mercifully got the hell off of me. When I stood up, my wang had a right angle in it.”

Johnny was rushed to the emergency room and an x-ray was taken.


Johnny's Broken Wang

Dr. Penazz, a specialist in wang orthopedics, said that the penis bone snapped in half during the sexual encounter.

So Johnny endured a painful 4-hour operation and emerged with a cast on his baby maker.

“I expect Johnny to make a full recovery within 6 months. He should be banging his old lady again in no time,” said Dr. Penazz.

We wish Johnny and Bertha the best of luck. And we hope that they use the missionary position from here on out.

Copyright © HumorOnline.com.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This material may not be reproduced in any form.

 

 

 

 

 



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