I Think I'm a Chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Frog Calls a Psychic
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
New Dog Breeds
Here are some of the most recent results from crossbreeding popular dog breeds:
They crossed a Irish Water Spaniel and a English Springer Spaniel. The new breed is a Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean.
They crossed a Bloodhound and a Labrador. The new breed is a Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.
They crossed a Malamute and a Pointer. The new breed is a Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't really matter.
They crossed a Collie and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
They crossed a Pekingese and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is Peekasso, an abstract dog.
They crossed a Labrador Retriever and a Curly Coated Retriever. The new breed is a Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of laboratory researchers.
They crossed a Collie and a Malamute. The new breed is a Commute, a dog that travels to work.
They crossed a Deerhound and a Terrier. The new breed is a Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.
They crossed a Pointer and a Setter. The new breed is a Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.
The Chicken is STILL Trying to Cross the Dang Road!
Some "Chicken crossing the road" jokes for you to enjoy.
By the way, if there is a person's name after a quote below, please note that the person did not actually
say those words, but SHOULD have!
Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road?
Because he was chicken...of course!
Why DID the chicken cross the road...
There was free beer on the other side.
To prove to the armadillo it actually could be done.
(People from armadillo country will get this one.)
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
How many roads must one chicken cross, before they call him a chicken?
That depends on what your definition of "cross" is.
For the greater good of humanity.
A chicken is an autonomous being, and thus the choice to cross the road was of
his own free will.
Give me five minutes alone with that chicken and I'll find out for you.
In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
overcame years of turmoil to finally accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Because the [censored] chicken wanted to cross the [censored] road for [censored] sake.
How [censored] tough is it for you to [censored] comprehend that [censored] fact.
To buy my "Sweatin' with the Chickens" exercise DVD.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
That chicken is fired.
For his 15 minutes of fame.
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
The chicken crossed because...will you let me finish. Now, let me finish.
Let me finish! Oh, forget this stuff. I am announcing today
that I am starting the "Chicken" policital party to reform this country.
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
He crossed the road less traveled, and survived. That made all the difference.
When a chicken in your dream crosses a road in your dream, do you enquire into his motives after you awaken?
If I told you I would have to kill you.
(Anonymous government agent)
Each time a chicken crosses a road, there is an equal and opposite crossing occurring simultaneously elsewhere.
I'm innocent! I'm innocent! Road? What road? I didn't even
see the road...so how could I cross it?